My Musical Hero Died Today
You were my first musical hero. In fact, the first music I even started listening to was yours. There wasn’t a VHS tape I watched more than Moonwalker. I memorized every single video in that film and those images are etched forever into my childhood. The claymation Bunny riding away from the fans on the motorcycle. Your animated version doing a choreographed dance with the Elephant Man’s bones. You transforming into a car. You blasting apart the entire room as a killer ROBOT. You in that white suit tossing the quarter straight into the jukebox from across the room. The kid turning up his stereo to 11 after his dad tells him to keep it down. That denim blue button down shirt with the black slacks. The strands of hair that fell down your face from under your top hat.
I worshipped your dance moves. I must’ve practiced it every day from age 4 to 10. The kick to the side. The flicking wrist. A huge part of my childhood was performing your dances in front of my family. They would order me to do it and I would deliver to enthusiastic responses every time.
Then something weird happened in the 5th grade. Our graduation song at P. S. 69 was chosen to be “Heal The World” and when all of the kids found out, there was a collective groan and shudder. All of a sudden it became uncool to like you. That was around the time you were getting major media coverage for your eccentricities, your plastic surgery, your bizarre relationships, and your chimpanzee. I would tell people that you were my favorite music and they would blurt out laughing at me. “Really? Why would you like him?!” “He’s so weird!” “Don’t you know he’s gay?” “Are you gay too since you like him?” I remember when HIStory came out, I was so excited. I was 10 years old. I bought it the first day it came out. I listened to both CD’s on repeat and flipped through the liner notes from front to back, reading every single essay and studying every photo. I remember when you performed at the Superbowl. There was palpable anticipation in the room as we waited anxiously for your entrance. With a burst of fireworks, you leapt into the air from out of the ground and landed defiantly with a thousand mile stare behind those signature shades. You stood there for what seemed like an eternity. You conquered that stage just by standing still. Then finally, after several interminable hours, you moved! You turned your head to the left. My heart stopped. I was glued to the TV set. People made fun of me but I didn’t care. You were THE coolest thing I had ever witnessed. I wanted to be just like you. I wanted to do what you were doing, be in that world. Little did I know that I was already starting to discover my calling and true passions in life.
Over the years, my musical tastes evolved and changed and I discovered new genres while discarding older obsessions (ah hem… k-pop… cough…). But the SINGLE constant that remained all throughout my life as a diehard fan of music has been you. Even til this day, I have to stop everything if any of your songs come on. I wasn’t young enough to get into your Jackson 5 phase. I never knew you as a young child star. I only knew you as the smooth criminal that walked backwards like you were gliding on water. The soft spoken shy guy who suddenly lit the stage on fire with raspy vocal utterances. The performer who seemed to render ordinary pieces of clothing into uniforms of ultra cool.
And yeah, you had your problems. Maybe your childhood was robbed from you due to the abuse from your father and the demands of stardom. Maybe all that attention just messed you up, as it so often does with most child celebrities. Do I think you’re a decent human being? I have no idea, I don’t know you. But it’s just really sad, that a guy like you with so much endless talent could become so isolated and maligned.
And seriously, what’s the deal with everyone now suddenly adoring this supposed pedophile and cracked-out weirdo? What happened, they forgot their child molestation jokes and black/white racial cards? It’s so sad how people only give a crap until someone’s dead.
Throughout all the terrible publicity, I’ve always stood by my love and admiration for your music and you as a performer. There are just some things in a childhood that one can never let go of. And I’m always glad to see that in a world that is constantly in flux, some things don’t change.
MICHAEL JACKSON IS THE REASON I WRITE, PERFORM, AND (WITH ALL MY HEART) LOVE MUSIC. MAY YOU REST IN PEACE 1958-2009.
