So I’ve been wanting to get back into blogging again. And just writing in general. It’s really been a while. After being tied up with big projects, I just feel so drained at the end of it that even thinking about writing a new blog entry tires me out. And there’s also this whole thing with not really knowing what to write about anymore. Which is really about purpose. In my teens, I was so desperate for my voice to be heard. In my early 20s, I was so desperate to be recognized. Now I’m at the halfway mark in my young adult life, and I just want to add some value. I don’t have all the time in the world anymore to stay up all night and be restless. I actually have to make the minutes count. And it’s not a crisis or anything, not by a long shot, but I don’t want to meander and ramble on until I’m 45 and out of ideas. I want these entries to count for something.
So what’s the point? There was always my desire to share art that I admired and appreciated. But a bittersweet realization I’ve come to very recently is that art, on its own, is not enough. If it were, Hemingway wouldn’t have been a drunk, Debussy wouldn’t have been a womanizer, and Picasso wouldn’t have been such an asshole. I used to want to believe that art would be everything and it would encompass me and fill in every crack. But alas, at the end of the day, art without a heavenly purpose is just dust. Albeit beautiful dust, but still, dust.
The only thing I have inside me that is worth sharing is really the unmatched love and grace I’ve found in Christ. And that gets me thinking, is a public expression of words the best place to adequately share that? Is it as conducive as a personal conversation or even in simply representing His heart by loving others in day-to-day life?
But the Father gave me a voice for a reason. And not just any voice, it’s my voice. No one else has it (unless they stole it like Ursula did to Ariel in “The Little Mermaid”). If you’re given a voice, it’s meant to be shared, no? But how? Am I finally at a place where I don’t have to be insecure or falsely humble about the gifts I’ve been given? Where my confidence lies solely in Him whose gospel message is paramount in all messages worth sharing? Can this blog serve that higher purpose?
Hmm… not sure yet but, I will let you know.
